After encountering several days of inner chaos, I have entered a sanctuary of peace. I sat at my dining table this morning and for a moment I noticed the absence of struggle. What do I mean? Everyday, as far as I can remember, I would have intense internal struggles. These struggles would be about anything and nothing. Why did this happen to me....Why don't my kids listen to me.....Why don't I ever get the lesson God is trying to teach me....Why? Why? Why? Now some internal struggles are necessary to bring you to a place of true healing, but everything with me is taken to the extreme. I just can't have a small internal struggle, face it, and move on.....NO, I have to pine and pine over it, until I create an enormous mountain out of a tiny insignificant pebble.
Today, for the first time in a long time, I recognized the silence inside, the absence of struggle. I was breathing again......my mind was not taking me through the endless circles of trying to figure out how to survive the day, or even the year. I take so much comfort in the Love of God right now. I feel it, embrace it, and own it for this sacred moment. I am yet learning how to abide in this place....my sanctuary of peace.
I had a long fulfilling conversation with a friend last night. At the end of the conversation we both asked, "What do you really want?" After all the many places we have searched, and the many things we have searched for, what was it that we really wanted. We both, in our frantic and determined voices, spoke our truth as we knew it. I wanted to be FULL, and she wanted to be FREE. What is so ironic about our desires to be FREE and FULL is that we're already everything we want to be. Take courage my friends, truly we are perfect and wholly made, full of God's Grace.......our only need is to recognize it.
I started this blog to share with others the pain and joy of this wonderful journey of finding true peace. Daily I will post my thoughts, experiences, and revelations about my journey and the journey of others. I will write as if there is no audiance, as if I am free to be me, with no one judging or criticizing my words or actions. This will be a real and raw view of what it is like to have experienced abandonment and rejection in the worst ways, and to now experience the journey of HEALING and FINDING TRUE PEACE. I believe in shedding the outer exterior that WE ALL use to protect ourselves, to bear my soul for the healing of others. FIND TRUE PEACE, embrace it and accept it, no matter the cost. I pray that the unfolding of my truth in some way helps you to HEAL and unfold yours. We are all WHOLE, BEAUTIFUL, and FULL OF GRACE. May the God of peace continue to bring the fullness of JOY into your life.